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Columns: Coffee, Tea, Latte and the Social ClassPosted on Tuesday, July 05 @ 09:23:16 CDT by El-Diablo
Where do you fit in
Coffee, Tea, Lattes, etc they have all become a staple in our lives since they were discovered and traded so many years ago. Recently some friends and I have developed a theory along the lines of stupid people, social class and what they put in coffee could be nature’s way of telling us what someone is really like. NOW YOU can judge a book by its cover, err large coffee. I hope that you will use this guide to aid your life and reap the benefits. Now class lets begin.
You take your Coffee Black, Double, Double or Single, Single: The majority of us as humans enjoy our coffee like this either black or some cream and sugar tossed inside for a small added kick. Now if you are on a date and are meeting someone for the first time and they put two cream and sugar into their coffee or nothing at all, breath a sigh of relief, this is a very good sign. Most people who fall into this category are well balanced. Have an education past grade 11, a full set of teeth and no real noticeable mutations or outward defects. Chances are they are good friends and lovers, have no criminal record will help you move and even help you move a body if the moment arises. And if this is a first date be well assured that people who fall into this category are clean. So no worries of STD’s dive on in there and shack up.
Ypu put in your Coffee: Triple, Triple. Okay we are going down the rabbit hole deeper here. People who have the triple, triple ( that is 3 cream and 3 sugar) are not so bad. I wouldn’t personally let them roam free around my house or near my wallet. Chances are they have some kind of addiction, as the extra cream and sugar is to combat some urge. You can often find these people playing VLT’s, cashing forged unemployment checks and over all being a pest. Now some of these people can be trusted, just take some time. Do a background check; don’t sleep with them on a first date. However these people will still help you bury a body. They will also help you grow dope and hold up the local CIBC. Hey just putting it out there if you need some criminal element in your life.
You put in your Coffee: 4 and 4 or 5 and 5: Believe it or not they are out there. These people have been in jail numerous times. Have fewer teeth than a jack-o-lantern, are fairly uneducated and would shank you in a second to get at you. Could be inbred heck they might be a mutant. If you take someone on a date, strike up a conversation and then notice 4 and 4 or 5 and 5 this is a major flag on the play. All credibility has been lost. The only glimmer of hope is, if you have a heart attack they will call for help and see if you make it. Other than that if you leave your car alone long enough these people will boost it and maybe even try to steal your first born child. I am pretty sure Ted Bundy or Hitler were 4 and 5 drinkers maybe even George Bush.
You put in your Coffee 8 and 8: RUN…RUN LIKE THE 4 HORSEMEN ARE BEHIND YOU. These people are societies bottom feeders. They cannot be trust for anything, 8 and 8 is a cover for some serious meth addiction or a major sign this person has no class. Remember that guy or girl who would go to a party and screw 5 people in one night. Say hello to her or him in the coffee shop. I have witnessed the 8 and 8 and felt shivers, heck I could feel the dark side of the world creeping around me. Some famous 8 and 8 people are Michael Jackson, Caligula, the Marquis de Sade, Attila the Hun, The Backstreet Boys and Sith Lord…I mean Pope Benedict 16th.
Tea Drinkers – Asians, Brits, Scots the Irish….moving on
Lattes, Frappichinos etc.....Yuppies, metrosexuals!. Okay not that bad but many people jump on the specialty coffee band wagon. I enjoy my coffee, and the special coffees at the local Italian coffee shop. However I cannot stand
A the ass clowns who drink it just to try to show off... I liked espresso before it was trendy. Or
B Such places such as Tim Horton’s or Starbucks that totally ruins or whores out the good natured coffees.
So next time you are having a cup or sitting down with someone remember, someone’s watching you and we know who you are.
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