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Stupid People and the GymAnd once again it is time for another instalment of The World According to Nick with “Stupid People and the Gym”
The world has turned, life marched on and my hate for people who frequent the gym has grown in the past few weeks, a series of different incidents has deepened my Darth Vader like anger for certain individuals (IE the old guy who tries to talk to me while naked waving his balls in my face, your time is coming)
If you want to see some real stupid behaviour I suggest you go to your local gym some afternoon and just hang out and watch the wild life that goes by. It is human losers on parade, you got your drama queens, your bearded ladies, dwarfs, weight lifting supermen, want to be ninjas taking martial arts, wrestlers, hell the local YMCA is really an early 20th century side show more than anything. Literally it is a collection of mental patients and wild creatures, all of which should be tranquilized, tagged and released back into the wild to be tracked and monitored for further research. Or at least dragged into the street and beaten with big wooden stick with nails in them.
We have all been to the gym at one point or another, unless you are one of these people who never get outdoors and stay inside eating chips, playing halo or watching trashy daytime TV like Maury Povich all day long. Man, I cannot stop myself from watching that show. I mean with all the “I’m 100% sure that man’s my baby’s daddy”, followed by the suspense of the lie detector results proving the contrary, followed by the wailing and disbelief, it really can fill a whole afternoon! For instance, just the other day I was…err sorry I got off topic there. Really I never watched Maury………………………OH SCREW YOU! I BET YOU WATCH DR PHIL.
Ok, back to the topic at hand. Now I have been going to a gym since I was 16 and over the years you learn a few unwritten rules along the way. Such as don’t drink the tap water, why not? Cause trust me a lot of people go to the gym while sick, and a lot do not wash their hands, lets hear it for drinking water that touched someone’s genitals or anus, that’s right I said anus!. Another rule such as don’t stare at that hot girl/guy bent over doing yoga, you end up looking like a sex-offender, then again maybe you are one whatever works for ya pal. Also no peeing in the pool, and trust me if I ever catch you peeing in the pool I will beat you senseless with a flutter board in the crotch until it turns purple. And a bunch of other “rules” that seem like polite suggestions. What follows is a series of rules or Codes of conduct or “proper behaviour”, as some people would call it the generally accepted rules that everyone should follow while at the gym. If for some reason you read this and notice you do not follow these rules then I want you to turn in your gym pass right now and stop going. Please save us all from having to put up with your crap. Better yet burn all your running shoes, gloves, shirts, t-shirts and the stupid GNC card you probably own. It will make everyone feel much better. Hell toss yourself into the fire, it will probably wake you the hell up.
First thing, what the hell is with people yelling, grunting, screaming, and giving high fives while working-out. At any given moment this week, I will go to the YMCA and see some ass-clown screaming as he/she/she-male/cyborg, lifts weights. I swear they sounds like they are giving birth to some horrible creature coming out of their anus like it is Rosemary’s baby or the creature from Alien. Hell some of these guys and dolls are so hairy they could pass off for Chewbacca. I got a tip; shut the fuck up you losers. Really now unless you are bench pressing 600 pounds or squatting 1500 I do not want to hear one peep out of you mouth, not even once. These people look so pathetic, YOU DO look pathetic with your squished up face grunting as you do another arm curl with a measly 20 pounds. It seems like the less weight these goofs use the more sounds they make. You look and sound like a bunch of knuckle dragging Neanderthals and your moronic sounds are disturbing everyone else. Stop it because I am two steps away from smacking you in the back of a skull with a weight plate and thinning out the worlds population heard one meat head at a time.
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Posted by El-Diablo on Wednesday, November 30 @ 21:10:44 CST
(Opinion | 9792 bytes more | 3 comments | Score: 3.77)
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Columns: And the ass kissing can start with you!Remember Ned Flanders, of course you remember Ned, and if you are asking who the hell Ned Flanders is I will take the time to explain who he is, while wonder at the same time wonder, where the hell have you been living for 14 years. Ned Flanders is the overly way too nice neighbour of Homer Simpson. He is quiet, proper and often puts up with this loud mouth neighbour who goes out of his way to bother Ned or either schemes up a way to take Ned for all he is worth and use him. On one such show of the Simpson’s Ned runs into a burning home to save Homers life, even after all the mean things Homer has done, Ned dove into the flames because he cares about his neighbour. Even when their friendship is somewhat rocky and Homer cares about himself and no one else Ned was there to lend a hand.
Well I was going to be nice about this but the hell with it, ever watch Boondock Saints? Well if not go rent it to begin with. In the words of Agent Smecker, let’s start the ass kissing with you I.E the United States of America.
Note: Nick "el-diablo" Davison is a semi patriotic Canadian drunk who writes for ThePartyLive weekly. Or whenever he isn't playing video games and being a drunken lush. Hate Mail or love letters can be send to nicholasdavison@gmail.com or via PM
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Posted by El-Diablo on Tuesday, October 11 @ 20:57:50 CDT
(Opinion | 9147 bytes more | 25 comments | Columns | Score: 5)
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Gasoline Prices Going Through the RoofBy David Crowton
OH MAN!
Here we go again. I guess now the "proof is in the pudding" and it is time for us to face reality.
Gas prices are not going back down and is now said to be going up, again, to an average of over $3.00 per gallon.
This will be the highest jump in gasoline prices we have had since January this year. The increase of gasoline clearly does not only affect the people but also our economy.
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Posted by capebretoner on Thursday, August 18 @ 13:30:28 CDT
(Opinion | 4396 bytes more | comments? | Score: 1)
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Do You Have A Fitness Battle Plan?In fitness, as in war, you want to be on the offensive, not the defensive and this means that rather than reacting to maladies as they occur, far better to be in good general physical condition; preventive maintenance is preferable to remedial effort every time. One general rule of thumb I use is energy is the basic coin of the fitness realm and without it is damned difficult to mount any kind of serious fitness effort.
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Posted by capebretoner on Monday, August 15 @ 11:23:21 CDT
(Opinion | 3978 bytes more | comments? | Score: 0)
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Paradigm Engineering and HistoryThose who try to define or somehow limit spirituality end up ignoring its nature and those who accept it blindly assign it virtues beyond its purpose. It is not just religion or metaphysical science which concerns mankind as we try to make sense of our present and future potential to address the ethics and technologies that could allow real growth and movement away from our history of destructive acts that develop warfare rather than our total potential as life on Earth. Here is a case in point dealing with history and the cultural contact that took place in pre-Columbian times with the Americas. It is my response to someone who thinks you can tell a whole new history in a few threads who also has not read many of the excerpts much less any of my books.
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Posted by capebretoner on Wednesday, July 27 @ 00:00:00 CDT
(Opinion | 3532 bytes more | comments? | Score: 0)
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Columns: Stupid People part 2It has been a while since I have written anything about stupid people. The life of an internet columnist is one of bling bling, high rolling, bitch slapping and crossing the globe with an entourage. And by all of that I mean lazy, drunk and sleeping in late, play station and viewing all the weekly boobie links on fark. However I digress, recent events made me shake my head and wonder why do they do these things O Lord? And by They I mean the Spanish, and adventure seekers.
The yearly sporting rivalry of Bulls vs. Humans in Pamplona, Spain is one of the oldest sports rivalries in the history of the world. It has endured throughout the centuries just like the famous Christian vs. Lions series during the Roman Empire. And how can we ever forget the epic match up of Spartans vs. Trojans or even one of the biggest sporting events yet know to man as Red Vs Blue. (If you didn’t get that you are deprived)
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Posted by El-Diablo on Friday, July 22 @ 06:05:00 CDT
(Opinion | 4902 bytes more | 3 comments | Columns | Score: 4.8)
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Columns: Coffee, Tea, Latte and the Social ClassWhere do you fit in
Coffee, Tea, Lattes, etc they have all become a staple in our lives since they were discovered and traded so many years ago. Recently some friends and I have developed a theory along the lines of stupid people, social class and what they put in coffee could be nature’s way of telling us what someone is really like. NOW YOU can judge a book by its cover, err large coffee. I hope that you will use this guide to aid your life and reap the benefits. Now class lets begin.
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Posted by El-Diablo on Tuesday, July 05 @ 09:23:16 CDT
(Opinion | 4215 bytes more | 1 comment | Columns | Score: 5)
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UN, Where are you?
Central Europe, Kosovo, Bosnia, East Timor, Armenia, Rwanda, Cambodia, Iraq what do all of these places have in common? They have been the ground zero for the sad event known as genocide. It was just 60 years ago the world made a promise of “never again” a promise that the powers that be in this world would not let human beings be targeted and systemically destroyed. 60 years ago we woke up to the horror of some 9 million people who were killed by Nazi Germany, the majority who were Jews.
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Posted by El-Diablo on Tuesday, July 05 @ 09:21:24 CDT
(Opinion | 2950 bytes more | comments? | Columns | Score: 0)
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Columns: Lynddie EnglandLynddie England pleaded guilty this week to abusing “detainees” or their proper name prisoners of war, and faces up to some 11 years in jail. Now If you believe the latter part I would like to take this time and ask you to give me some currency to be donated to me and my company “happy dude’… okay so you know that Simpson’s joke, but just like that scam this whole trail reeks of BS and you get the message of TS being sent around the world concerning the American mistreatment of Iraqi soldiers and trust me TS doesn’t stand for tethered swimming.
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Posted by El-Diablo on Tuesday, July 05 @ 09:19:47 CDT
(Opinion | 3241 bytes more | comments? | Columns | Score: 0)
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Columns: Iraq, George Bush, The American People, Intelligence, and the Middle EastWhy they all need a good swift kick in the genitals
Ah yes Iraq, the land of the Persian, Arabian and Babylonian empires, homeland of many epic bible stories. A land rich in history of getting bent right over the table and getting reamed like a prison sex toy, passed around the yard more times than a joint. Let’s not look on the negatives, let’s look at the positives. After 3 long years of war, and about 20 years of Saddam the Iraqi people finally had their own democratic vote, HOORAY. Okay minus the big glaring fact that the country is still on lock down, the US Army is around and every Muslim extremist with a rocket propelled grenade is running around looking too kill “whitey”
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Posted by El-Diablo on Tuesday, July 05 @ 09:18:34 CDT
(Opinion | 4191 bytes more | comments? | Columns | Score: 0)
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