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Columns: Stupid People part 2Posted on Friday, July 22 @ 06:05:00 CDT by El-Diablo
It has been a while since I have written anything about stupid people. The life of an internet columnist is one of bling bling, high rolling, bitch slapping and crossing the globe with an entourage. And by all of that I mean lazy, drunk and sleeping in late, play station and viewing all the weekly boobie links on fark. However I digress, recent events made me shake my head and wonder why do they do these things O Lord? And by They I mean the Spanish, and adventure seekers.
The yearly sporting rivalry of Bulls vs. Humans in Pamplona, Spain is one of the oldest sports rivalries in the history of the world. It has endured throughout the centuries just like the famous Christian vs. Lions series during the Roman Empire. And how can we ever forget the epic match up of Spartans vs. Trojans or even one of the biggest sporting events yet know to man as Red Vs Blue. (If you didn’t get that you are deprived)
Once again this year the Bulls of Pamplona have shown why the lead the series in wins as they gorged 4 humans to tromp to another victory. The running of the Bulls in Pamplona Spain is part of a massive festival held in Pamplona every year. The first running of the Bulls has been recorded in the 14th century however it is believed it has been on going pre-14th century. One part pre-Christian party one part Christian religious party, it even has become a cultural icon ever since Ernest Hemmingway made it popular in his writings. Since then it was attracted lots of media attention as everyone sits around with baited breath to see some dumb knucklehead get trampled by a bull.
Now my question is, are the people of Pamplona, Spain crazy? And are the people who do this brain dead? This whole event sounds like a dare between buddy’s that seemed to have caught on. Remember the Simpson’s where Homer makes up the religious holiday “maximum occupancy” so he can skip work, well I think the running of the bulls has some kind of roots there. A big festival made up as cover when a practical joke was almost let out of the bag. And really what is with the Spanish and events that involve getting maimed. The running of the bulls, bull fighting, cock fighting, soccer riots. However someone who gets in front of a 2000 pound pissed off animal and runs down the street prancing like a big moving target must either have huge balls or lack of brains. Now people say HEY wouldn’t you like to be on TV running in the bulls? NO. Think about this, these animals weight between 1600 and 2000 pounds, they head butt, they stomp, the impale things on their horns. So really you have 3 outcomes A) run to freedom B) Killed C) become a disfigured freak and go on Maury.
The only thing I could think that would be more stupid would be the running of the lions or the running of the cougars. Hell all of those sound like potential reality TV shows, stop the presses someone call Fox and tell them I have a TV show to pitch to them. Okay now that we established that this is a foolish tradition one steeped in huge amounts of stupid, we also have history on our side. And history has proven time and time again, large mean animals running at top speed will sooner or later run you down and kill you in a gruesome manner, for everyone to download and see off the internet. Yet the clowns line up by the hundreds to go skipping down the cobblestone roads of Pamplona.
My point is you do not see Noble peace prize winners, doctors, lawyers, and well educated people running in Pamplona. You want to know why? Okay ill give it to you then. CAUSE THEY KNOW FRIGGIN BETTER!!! People who run with the bulls are the kids we all knew growing up. The same ones who would touch and electric fence and hold it for no good reason, or the kid who would burn his hand and keep on poking the sore burn, or the kid who would eat worms for kick. Yes these are the same people, they didn’t have any brains then and the sure as hell do not have them now. Hell I know how we can make the running of the bulls better. Let us use some inmate’s folks, that’s right some hardened criminals. We toss some death row inmates onto the course in shackles and tell them who ever lives gets parole. Or even better we take everyone from American and Canadian Idol and force them to run the course for a record contract, and if they all die? No problem just less bad singers in the world today to make my ears bleed.
While you cannot take away years of tradition, I ask you the reader to leave the running of the bulls to the Spanish and not silly tourists. I know this takes away my joy of seeing stupid people getting gored all over the streets but I’m looking out for you all. And serious now, if you were to say tomorrow “I ran with the bulls in Pamplona”. I am sure people would smile and say “oh yes interesting”, but deep down inside we would all be saying. “What fucking idiot”
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Average Score: 4.8
Votes: 5
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Re: Stupid People part 2 (Score: 1)
by capebretoner on Friday, July 22 @ 09:40:54 CDT
(User Info | Send a Message) http://www.thepartylive.com | I think that all of those people in the running of the bulls is a good thing. It will usually make the entire gene pool better. The scary thing is if there are women out there that think this is a good sign, them running away from bulls and then have sex with the ones that make it.....
Hmmm, maybe next year we should give the bulls a bigger advantage |
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Re: Stupid People part 2 (Score: 1)
by Ponyboy (elgappygonk@yourmommas.com) on Friday, July 22 @ 09:58:16 CDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | I agree 100% about these people lacking the brainpower to operate a can opener.
I do have a female friend who has gone to Pamplona and taken part in the running of the bulls, and yes, I did ask her if she was a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
Her comment was that the people she came in contact with while there, tourists and locals, were completely entranced by the atmosphere surrounding the event.
Which leads me to beleive that there must be something in the air surrounding Pamplona, because not only are the locals nuttier than squirrel turds, the tourists are as well |
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